Week 2 Homework

I went to my second class last night.  Mike watched the kids, and he said that everything went pretty well.  Even baby S did well, so now I won't have to worry when I go again next week.  I am enjoying these classes, because I don't take any kids with me!  Just time for myself, though I suppose all we do is talk about the kids I was so anxious to leave at home...

Last night we covered some good new stuff.  First of all, EMPATHY is the key to success.  Without the empathy, these techniques don't work so well.  Empathy allows me to remain the "good guy" and lets the bad decision be the "bad guy."  We show empathy by using a one liner that we have practiced and are comfortable with, that will express our empathy without taking on their problems.  Examples are:  "What a bummer," "This is so sad," "Oh, man," "Ohhhh," etc.

Secondly, if I am angry, I can't be empathetic, so DELAY THE CONSEQUENCE.  Simply say "I'm so angry that I can't think straight.  I make better decisions when I'm calm.  We'll talk about this later."  Or, "I am going to have to do something about this later."  That word something is magical.  Kids are more afraid of that than the actual punishment sometimes.

The last big thing covered was a generic consequence, for when I don't have a clue what the "natural consequence" should be.  It's called energy drain.  When they do something that is not right, it drains my energy so that I can't do all the things I need to do.  So then I ask the child what he/she is going to do to put that energy back (housework while I rest and rejuvenate on the couch with TV, pay for movie night for me and Mike and babysitter for the kids, etc.)

So my homework for the week:  Practice and use my empathetic phrase, delay the consequence when I'm angry, and use the energy drain consequence if I am out of ideas.  The kids were all asleep when I got home last night, and they are off at school now, so I don't have any personal experiences yet.  I am hoping to get to try them out soon and post about it.